Determined: Western Historical Romance (Lipstick and Lead series Book 5) Read online

  “You know, preacher man, I’m about to get tired of men using their feet to enter a building. If you can’t knock, then don’t bother coming in.” She shoved her guns back in their holsters.

  “We’re back to preacher man. For the last few weeks it’s been Jackson, but now you’ve erected that wall again.”

  She tossed her head back and gave a sarcastic laugh. “The wall never came down. But preacher man seemed to get under your skin, so I liked to use it to irritate you.”

  “Up until I left this morning, you were calling me Jackson. What’s changed?”

  Shrugging, she turned and walked away, giving him her back. How could she tell him two ladies in his church had convinced her she was a bad influence.

  He sat at the small table and glanced up at her. “You know I was looking forward to coming home tonight and sitting around the table, having dinner with you. Then I imagined we’d do a little reading, while you and Margaret could sew your needlework. A nice evening at home after the night we had last night.”

  The picture he painted with his words, left her chest aching and her longing to return to his home. But she didn’t belong there. “You could still have that with Margaret.”

  “Not the same. I want you there. What happened?”

  She would not prattle on about how his church women had encouraged her to leave town. She’d mishandled the situation completely, but at the time, her need to wound them, like she was hurting, had been fulfilled. Probably not her finest ten minutes. “Nothing. I just decided maybe you’d be safer with me out of your home.”

  He shook his head. “You know, first thing this morning, I had a visit from two of my female parishioners who I love to call my naysayers. You know that tale of Chicken Little, the little chicken that runs around saying the sky is falling and everyone prepares for the worst. That’s these two women.”

  “So? Maybe the sky is about to fall.”

  For all she knew, death could be imminent. Still, she’d let two women convince her she shouldn’t associate with this man. Yet, when she was with him, it felt right. Like this was where she belonged.

  “No, I think when they couldn’t get through to me, they decided to go visit Jezebel herself. You.” He paused, watching her closely. “Did you get a visit from Mabel and Justine?”

  She walked over to the counter, where she’d set a clean bowl of water. Taking the dipper, she took a drink then put it down. While he was here, this was not what she wanted to talk about. She yearned for something she’d never thought she’d long for again.

  “How did Margaret’s luncheon go?” she finally asked, trying to steer him away from the events of today and her reasons for leaving.

  “Don’t change the subject. Did they visit you?”

  Crossing her arms over her body, she stiffened. “Yes, they came to warn me about ruining their beloved preacher. How I must be the spawn of Satan to go after their precious man.”

  “And did you tell them about their husbands going to the brothel?”

  She stared at him in surprise. “How did you know?”

  He laughed. “I know you. When your back is against the wall, you come out swinging.” Then he shrugged. “Actually, the two couples weren’t too happy to see either one of us return to town.”

  Still, they didn’t deserve to learn their husbands were cheating on them from an ex-soiled dove. “I’m sorry. I didn’t handle it very well. Both women ran from the house,” she said with a sigh. “They’re right, Jackson. I’m not good for you. I’m ruining your reputation. I have no right to be close to you. I should live alone.”

  Grabbing her arm, he pulled her down until she fell into his lap. It was a first for her, to sit on a man’s lap with his arms wrapped around her. A sense of rightness overcame her.

  “Remember the woman at the well. Those of you who are without sin, throw the first stone. None of us are without sin. Not me, not you, and definitely not my church women.”

  “I can’t stay with you any longer, Jackson,” she said in a whisper that was filled with all the pain flooding through her like spring rains. “I just can’t.”

  What could she say to him without letting him know her true feelings? She cared deeply for him, and all she could ever receive for her emotions was heartache.

  “Why?” he asked. “You’re safe with me.”

  “No, I’m not,” she said. “You’re awakening feelings in me that long ago died, and it scares me.”

  He pulled her mouth to his and plundered her lips. He grabbed her head and held onto her like he was adrift in the sea and she was his anchor. His mouth promised her tomorrow, but her heart failed to believe.

  After several moments, he broke apart from her. “I’m more terrified of living without you than I am of exploring this thing between us. I need you, Hannah.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Overcome with emotions warring against each other, Hannah only knew she needed to be in Jackson’s arms. Never before had she wanted a man to hold her, kiss her, and to feel her skin against his, but with Jackson, it wasn’t just a need. It was a necessity. She felt she couldn’t live another moment without touching his skin, without kissing his lips, or trusting him.

  Sure, she was no virgin. She knew what happened between a man and woman, but she’d never before craved or longed to join with a man. In fact, she’d hated the very act. But now, she ached with the need to be with Jackson. And that shocked her.

  His mouth ravaged hers as his hands gripped her head, holding her captive, consuming her lips. Her hands raked his back, coming around to his shirt front, where she released the buttons. Slipping her hand inside his shirt, he moaned when she touched his flesh, and she shivered at the feel of his rippled muscles beneath her hands.

  Jackson was so strong. If only he could be her man.

  “Oh, Hannah, what you do to me,” he whispered, his lips barely leaving hers before he wreaked havoc on her mouth again.

  No man had ever kissed her like this. His lips were like flames licking her body, scorching her with their heat. His words sent ecstasy shivering through her, increasing her longing like a stampede on the prairie.

  Pushing his shirt past his shoulders, she wanted to feel his naked chest, needed to touch his skin with hers. When his arms were trapped by the shirt, she leaned back, breaking the seal of their lips and gazed into his brown eyes.

  This man had her believing in people again, believing in him. He saw the goodness when she could only see the dishonorable way individuals treated one another. He’d defended her, accepted her, and now she wanted to share with him the most intimate act on earth. For the first time in her life, she required a man, but not any man…only Jackson.

  She craved and yearned for them to join together.

  Slowly, she unbuttoned her shirt then pulled the garment over her head and tossed it onto the floor. Her chest rose and fell under her chemise as she stared at him, nervous and hesitant and filled with need for him, into his warm gaze.

  “Are you certain, Hannah?”

  “Yes,” she whispered. “Please show me the beauty of what happens between two people who care for each other. Cleanse me and make me whole.”

  She wanted to say make love to me, but she’d never been in love before, and she wasn’t certain whether what she felt for Jackson was love or gratitude. She had to know for sure before she uttered those words because once she did, they would be forever.

  “Oh, my stars,” he said. “I can’t resist you any longer. I’ve been hungering for you for weeks.”

  After lifting her chemise over her head, she sat in his lap with her skirt and pantaloons still on, naked from the waist up. Fear crept along her spine, and she trembled. What if he didn’t like her body? What if he thought she was dirty? What if…?

  His fingers trailed across her cheekbone, slowly down her neck, her chest. She whimpered, her body tensing with need.

  Oh God, how she wanted him to touch her breasts, her nipples, but he traced his fingertips between h
er breasts to her waist.

  Then he glanced up into her eyes and smiled. “You’re stunning.”

  Tensing, she cried out, “Jackson.”

  No one had ever taken the time to caress her breasts. No man had taken his time with her body. She’d been nothing more than a vessel they’d used for their gratification.

  Pushing the thoughts away, she vowed to keep her focus on Jackson, to return the pleasure he was giving her.

  Leaning down, he sucked her breast into his mouth, licking her nipple, sending shivers scurrying through her body.

  Rubbing her hand through his hair, she moaned deep in her throat. “What are you doing to me?”

  “I’m worshipping your body. You’re beautiful, Hannah. I want to make you feel special.”

  She sighed, letting her body relax and enjoying the feel of his mouth against her chest. She skimmed her hands down his naked back and longed to feel the two of them touching, skin against skin.

  Standing, she backed away from his lips. Slowly, she unbuckled her belt, unbuttoned her skirt, and slid the garment down her body. His eyes grew larger as she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her pantaloons and guided them to the floor. Stepping out of them, she turned and faced him naked.

  He licked his lips and moaned, the sound more of a growl. Jumping from his chair, he shucked his boots, his pants, and the rest of his clothing. Then he locked the door, picked up her hand, and led her to the bed in the corner of the room.

  “Hannah, whatever happened in the past is now the past. Today is a new beginning for you, for us, and for tomorrow.”

  His lips captured hers, his mouth moving over hers, giving her breath. He held her tightly to him like he’d never let her go. It was a torturous kiss filled with secret desires and dreams of a normal life with Jackson at her side.

  Gently, his hands molded her soft curves against his muscular frame, letting her feel every hard ridge of him. The musky scent of him enveloped her, wrapping around her like his arms, filling her with desire. All she wanted was to join with him here. Now.

  Oh my, how she wanted him to seal the empty places in her soul, to replace the nightmares of old with dreams of the two of them.

  Breaking off the kiss, he gripped her hands with his, holding her naked body tight against his own. “Oh, Hannah,” he whispered against her neck. “Sweet temptation.”

  She trembled, his words, thrilling her.

  After pulling the rough blanket back, he laid her on the bed and crawled in beside her. For a moment, he held her in his arms, his hands tenderly rubbing her face, his fingers trailing over her lips, down her throat.

  “I’m scared,” Hannah whispered, gazing into his soft brown eyes.

  “Don’t be,” he said, his voice husky. “You’re more than I ever wanted.”

  “But…what if I can’t?”

  “We’ll go slow.”

  His lips covered hers, and she knew she wanted to experience it all with Jackson. She didn’t want to hold anything back any longer. She’d never wanted a man before tonight, but now she had to have this man. Her man.

  An overwhelming sense of rightness permeated her, and she relaxed against Jackson. She’d trust this man with her life. She could trust him with her body. Slowly, he stroked her skin, caressing her like she was a cherished piece of china.

  This was Jackson, her Jackson. The man whom she’d saved, who stood with her to clean up the town and close down the brothel. The man who accepted her regardless of the past and cared for her despite her faults.

  Though she’d never imagined experiencing love, she was falling in love with Jackson, her preacher man.

  Stroking his manhood, she felt the velvety softness of his hardened shaft and teased the end with her fingertips.

  He grabbed her hand, halting her movements. “Tonight is about you. There will be time for me later.”

  His hands were sliding down her body, stroking every inch, touching her everywhere, and making her feel worshiped and cherished. Searching and finding her very center, he delved his fingers into her hot, moist core.

  Amazed at the feelings he evoked, she sighed, a delicious sound filled with longing. Never had she been exposed to the frenzied passion Jackson was stoking. Never had she wanted a man to hurry and place his penis in her. She ached with a desire she’d never experienced before, and need roared within her.

  Shivering with a wantonness she’d never felt before, she whimpered, “Jackson.”

  Rising up, he positioned himself at her entrance.

  Panting, she reached down and pushed herself on him—needing him, wanting him like she’d never longed for a man before.

  In no way had she enjoyed joining with a man until Jackson. Only this man made her feel like a woman. Her heart felt emotions she’d long since given up on ever knowing. Jackson made her hunger for desire, and at no time had she thought she would understand that emotion.

  She craved him, and the pure joy she felt at that thought thrilled her. Kind, brave Jackson had battled for her, protected her and sheltered her. And she wanted to give him her heart in return for what she hoped would be his love.

  Like a pirate seeking gold, he ransacked her lips, sweeping her mouth with an incessant hunger that gripped her, holding her captive with his lips. His body filled her, plunging deep within her, giving her pleasure, cleansing her soul.

  She welcomed his driving force giving her a sense of homecoming and fulfillment, she’d never felt before.. This was the man she wanted to spend forever with, to grow old and have babies with. This was the man she wanted to love and cherish until the day she drew her last breath. This was the man she’d fallen in love with.

  Oh no…

  A tightness gripped her body, and lights shattered through her.

  “Oh my,” she cried out, hanging onto Jackson like a port in a storm.

  Shudders rippled through her, leaving a sense of satisfaction. In Jackson’s arms, she felt not only security and pleasure, but a growing sense of love. Was this how it felt when you loved someone?

  With a cry and a convulsive quake, Jackson slammed his body into hers, driving himself deeper into her womb. Then he rested on top of her, his body shaking, his breathing raspy in her ear.

  Together, they lay helpless, sweating, completely undone by what had just happened.

  Happiness filled her chest to the point she ached from the love surrounding her. Teardrops welled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. The girls in the brothel had talked about orgasms, but Hannah had never understood until today.

  Tears streamed down her cheeks. She cried for the girl who’d lost so much and for the woman who’d just discovered love.

  *

  Jackson rolled them over and cuddled Hannah’s warm, soft, delicious body to his. Their time in the cabin was quickly running out, but she needed to feel beautiful and desired, and all he could think about was wishing this night would never end.

  She sniffed and he sensed her crying.

  “What’s wrong?” If he’d hurt her, he didn’t think he could live with himself because he’d held back, trying to make certain she was enjoying their lovemaking as much as he. And oh, how he’d tried to make this good for her.

  “Nothing,” she whimpered.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  She rolled over to face him, tears running down her cheeks. “No. It’s just…”

  “What, Hannah? Was it awful? Terrible? Please tell me because I’ve not been with many women, and I’ve never had someone cry afterward.”

  After everything she’d been through, she probably hated having sex with him. He’d been the worst and now she was crying.

  “No, it was beautiful. I’ve never experienced anything like what we just did. I’ve never reached an or…”

  Jackson felt like someone had just set off a box of explosives at a fourth of July picnic. Tenderly, he reached out and wiped away her tears. “I don’t like to see you cry. I would never intentionally hurt you. I’m glad what we did tonight was
good for you. I feared you would hate being with me.”

  Protectiveness filled him, and he wanted to shield her and care for her and keep her from harm. She’d suffered so much because of Elliott. All Jackson wanted to do was guard and defend her. Her big emerald eyes filled with tears, and he watched them roll down her cheeks again.

  “I feared I would never want to be with any man, but you made it special. You made me feel beautiful and wonderful.”

  He pulled her tight against him. “I want to be with you.”

  “You can’t be with me. Your church has made it clear they will never accept me.”

  Jackson refused to believe good Christian people could not forgive the sins Hannah had been forced to commit. He shook his head. “No, Hannah, it won’t happen overnight, but people will come to accept you again. And some people will be upset with me. I might even lose a few parishioners. People will come around. God forgives.”

  The urge to ask Hannah to marry him was strong, but Jackson held off, not wanting their life together to begin in bed. He wanted to propose properly. He wanted to give her what she deserved. A wedding, a home, and a family.

  A shiver went through him, and he jerked against her.

  Her voice was soft. “Tell me what happened to you, Jackson. Why do you refuse to kill?”

  Her words yanked him right out of the nice warm cocoon he’d felt himself slipping into. The memory of his past was painful, and the only time he let it come into his mind was when he was dreaming and had no control. But she deserved to know what had happened. Once they were man and wife, she would have to live with his nightmares.

  “When I was ten, the Civil War was in its last days. The South was desperate for soldiers. They would take just about anyone, including boys. My southern family wanted their son to be in the ‘Great War.’ So they signed me up and shipped me off right after my tenth birthday.”

  He shuddered at the memory, his chest tightening with the pain of how he’d joined the regiment, marching, carrying a gun, and helping shoot boys, men, anyone who wore the color blue, until…